Ryuhiko - 11

After returning from dealing with Mmolai Botle, Shinmasa worked even harder at preparing for his inevitable conflict with Lefu Sefefo. But as he practiced and prepared he kept thinking about the white light which came from his father when he destroyed one of the evil creatures. He had asked Moru. She knew only that it seemed to be unique to Ryutada. Shinmasa had noticed that, when Ryuhiko touched Mmolai, Mmolai received what seemed like an electrical shock and when he struck the evil spirit hard there was the release of tremendous force, but no white light and definitely not lethal. His father had told him that it would be there when he needed and that he would learn how to focus it. His father had specifically said “you will learn how to focus it through ….” but never finished his sentence.

Shinmasa continued to meditate late into the night often visiting the space between the frames of time where he was so close to sunyata. Most meditators go there to find sunyata. Shinmasa went there in the hopes that he again would encounter his father. He still had many questions. The problem was that as soon as he brought his mind to focus on the questions he wanted to ask his father he interrupted his meditation.

Shinmasa and Moru spent many evenings sitting on the ledge talking about their dreams and hopes as they admired the vista before them. Shin had been thinking a lot about Moru, and not in a fellow colleague or spirit of nature way. Many times he had caught himself thinking 'what if I were just to . . . ?' and then would scrap the thought. He worried that she would get angry. Even though he knew that she cared deeply about him as the akai ryu, she had given him no indicators of any other interest apart from scientific enquiry. What did she think of him as a human? What did she think of Shinmasa? He worried about rejection. He had only ever had one serious girl friend. She got tired of the trips to the mountains and left him. He hadn't taken rejection well. This time, however, there was no such thinking. Shin just turned without warning, took Moru in his arms and kissed her full upon the lips.

As he held her tight with his lips pressed against hers there was a terrifying moment of rigidity. She didn't move. It was as though she was instantly frozen. She didn't push him away nor did she return the kiss. He didn't dare pull away to see what was happening. Finally Moru put her arms around his neck and returned his kiss. For an untold glorious time the two embraced and kissed passionately. Shinmasa's brain was on overload. All he could think about was expressing his pent-up compassion in this one kiss.

Suddenly Moru pulled away. “I can't,” she cried.

Shinmasa staggered backwards. His mouth gaped open. He had almost expected to be rejected but that didn't help the shock and devastation. “What?” he stammered. “Why?” He stood there trying to find words as Moru turned away and cried. Shinmasa stepped up behind her and put his hand on her shoulder in an attempt to comfort and understand but she only cried harder at his touch.

“I purposely found you at the White Valley Mountain camp,” Moru blubbered. She took a few moments attempting to compose herself and continue her story. “I purposely found you and I took on this form so that it would be pleasing to you.” She hung her head as she softly said, “I guess I seduced you.”

“Seduced me?” The idea was foreign to Shinmasa. Beautiful women didn't seduce him. “Didn't you feel anything?”

“Of course I did! I was very moved by your dedication to the mountains and your work,” Moru tried to smile. “I wanted so much to tell you who I was when you started talking about the mountains being alive.” A timid smile appeared. “And I did think you were awfully cute.”

“I didn't fall for your looks,” insisted Shinmasa. “Yes, you're beautiful but I'm so accustomed to beautiful women looking right past me that I never thought of being with you until you spoke. I fell in love with the beautiful woman who was so passionate about nature and had such a pure and loving heart. Did you fake that?”

“Of course not!” Moru started to cry again and Shinmasa apologized in the hopes it would stop the crying. “That is who I really am. And I loved being with you and watching you. And I loved kissing you just now.” There was a pause. “Did you know that in millions of years I've never been kissed like that?” Another pause. “Did you know that I sneaked into your tent every night and sat next to you?”

Shinmasa looked surprised.

“I was supposed to protect you and find out if you knew that you are Ryuhiko. I didn't have to sit in your tent to protect you, but I did. I did because I liked being near you. I hated forcing you to know that you are a dragon by jumping off that mountain but I had to after you found evidence that Bafu Nama was hanging around.”

“Was there ever anything more than business?”

“YES!” Moru almost screamed through her tears. “Why the hell do you think I'm crying? Why the hell do you think I always leave your lair at night? I've been around as long as there have been flowers and trees. I knew love but I never knew personal love. There was never any one person who made me feel like this. You made me love you and I don't know what to do!”

“What's wrong with that? I love you too. Doesn't that make it okay?”

“If we were two humans it would.” Moru paused in another attempt to regain her composure. “I'm a spirit and you're a kawizati dragon. How can I do what I'm supposed to do if all I can think about is you? Would my Mother approve? Would our union cause some inconceivable disaster? I just don't know.”

“I don't love my work and the nature I'm determined to protect any less because I love you,” Shinmasa said quietly. “My parents had five children. They loved all five of us with the same intensiveness and never loved each other any less. They always said that there is always enough love to go around.”

Moru turned and hugged Shinmasa tightly. “Please forgive me,” she whispered. “I'm frightened and confused. I'm not accustomed to either of those. I have to go think about this.”

Once Moru had left Shinmasa went back into the lair. It seemed so cavernous and lonely. He poured himself a couple of fingers of whiskey and walked into his bedroom. Without even taking a sip he put it on the table and crawled into bed.

Moru found herself sitting on Conical Rock, a promontory along the Oregon coast, crying for her sister, Metsia. Metsia was Moru's older sister and the spirit of water. Whenever she had a problem, Moru always knew that Metsia would help her. She could not think straight as she watched the ocean for any sign of her sister.

After a short while a water spout began to develop. It was Metsia. The two sisters embraced and, between the sobs and crying, Moru poured out her heart. She told Metsia how she had fallen in love with a kawizati dragon “in a human way.”

“Oh, my,” said the older sister squeezing Moru a little tighter. “I don't know much about things like that.” After pondering what she had just heard, “you mean you want to engage in . . .”

“yes,” interrupted Moru as though the word 'sex' was unspeakable. “Is this really bad? Is Mother going to be furious with me?”

“Mother might not be happy, but she's really quite forgiving,” Metsia smiled. “I don't know that it's really all that bad.”

“Then you do think that it's bad.”

“There seem to be two issues here,” Metsia was deep in thought as she spoke. “We have 'conservation of energy' but I've never heard of 'conservation of love'. There's no reason to think that you can't have a special love for Shinmasa without loving your forest any less.”

“That's basically what Shinmasa said,” Moru thought back to earlier that evening.

“Wise man,” Metsia smiled. “But there is something else that comes to my mind.” She paused to find the words she wanted. “Are you afraid for Shinmasa or for yourself?”

“What do you mean?”

“How old are you? As long as there are trees and flowers you are not going to die. On the other hand, Ryuhiko will eventually grow old and die. Even if Ryuhiko lives ten thousand years – about the longest any dragon has been known to live – that is a drop in the eternal bucket. Are you afraid that you won't be able to handle that?”

“I'm not sure I thought of that, but I guess that could be a part of my fear of a spirit-kawizati union. Or I might be using our differences so that I don't have to confront that reality.” Moru was now calm and sat pondering what her sister had said. Then she looked up. “I'm afraid. I've never really been hurt. I've been made very sad and angry with the way many humans treat my forest, but I've grown accustomed to that ever since they started building their concrete jungles. But I've never been directly hurt. To be rejected or to lose him would be a new experience for me that I'm really afraid of.”

“You think about that,” Metsia concluded. “and ask yourself if he is worth the pain you know you will someday suffer. It's just not in your nature to give anything less than 100% to your forest. Besides, that literally IS your life. So I'm not worried about that. I'll run interference with Mother if that becomes necessary but I think she'll just smile and shake her head. You know the reason that she asked you to try to find Ryuhiko is because you have such a way with humans.” They both laughed.

Metsia and Moru sat together for a long time. Being the oldest they had seen so much happen in their lives. Metsia was pushing five billion years. She had been around a long time before Moru who was a mere 700 million years old. They had watched the development of the animal genus homo become the homo sapiens idaltu and the homo sapiens sapiens which left their native Africa and headed to all points on the planet. Me Talhaho had been concerned about that. As long as they were an insignificant species minding their own business in Africa everything was okay. The only reason that they hadn't become extinct from predators is that they learned to cooperate in large groups. That was also a problem. At least it was a problem for the rest of the world. The homo genus quickly started crediting good and bad fortune to deities and in less than 190,000 years from leaving Africa the homo sapiens started coming up with gods who liked one group better than another and humans being gods or the offspring of gods. This was a bad turn of events. As they separated themselves from the rest of nature – moving away from being hunter/gatherers and farmers – they began to more and more attempt to subjugate each other and everything else in the world. Now they were destroying more of the earth in a year than previous homo sapiens had done in a millennium or more. That's when Metsia, Moru and their sisters' jobs really turned tough. Now it was a fight for survival.

“You know, Metsia,” Moru said sadly, “there's a good chance that Ryuhiko will outlive me.” She paused and looked at her sister. “Sometimes I think we're fighting a losing battle. Look at your poor oceans and rivers and streams. Where can you find pure water? And my poor forest. I'm losing several thousands of acres a day. No, I don't think I have to worry about outliving Ryuhiko.”

Metsia sat silently. She couldn't bring herself to argue her sister's point. She couldn't because she had no evidence to the contrary and she couldn't because she too believed as her sister. “I wonder,” she said softly, “Is there a point at which there is no recovery?”

They tried to change the subject to things less depressing but it was hard. They talked about their sisters. Moru told Metsia about the lair Thabeng had made for Ryuhiko and some of her outlandish costumes and behavior. They laughed because they both loved it when Thabeng was outlandish. Moru also told Metsia about Shinmasa.

“I'd better go back and talk to Shinmasa,” Moru concluded.

“Sounds like a good idea to me,” Metsia agreed. “Tell him your sister admires him.”

Shinmasa couldn't sleep. All he could do was lay there and think about Moru. The glass of whiskey still sat, untasted, on the table. Perhaps, he thought, what made it worse was that she had said she was in love with him. Was he being unreasonable or selfish to want a spirit to love him in a way beyond her love for nature? He had fallen in love with her long before he knew her real identity. Was there some devastating fate that would befall them if they were to be mates?

Hour after hour he lay there and thought. Question after question with no answers. Not even a good idea. Then he started worrying about how he was going to deal with being around her and working with her knowing that they had to bury their true feelings. 'It would have hurt a lot more but it would have been so much easier in the long run if she had just said she wasn't interested,' thought Shinmasa.

There was almost no light in Shinmasa's bedroom. He hadn't turned on any lights when he went in. There didn't seem to be any reason for lights. He didn't hear Moru enter. She walked quietly to the side of the bed before she realized that Shinmasa was not asleep.

“May I come in?” she asked softly.

“Of course,” said Shinmasa. He tried to see her in the darkened room. She was standing with her back to what little light there was so all he could see was a silhouette. It didn't strike him that she was wearing a long flowing gown. All that mattered to him was that she had come back. Even if she would not be his lover, he would at least have her near.

“I'm sorry if I upset you,” Moru spoke in almost a whisper. “I didn't mean to. I don't want to. I mean . . . .” There was a long pause as Moru struggled for words.

“It's okay,” said Shinmasa. “I understand. You're a spirit. I'm just a guy.”

“You're not just 'a guy',” Moru voice was a bit stronger. “You're a warm compassionate kawizati and I do love you. I love you in . . . in . . . well, I love you in 'that' way.”

“Are you a prude?” Shinmasa found himself giggling.

“A what?”

“A prude,” Shinmasa repeated. “You can't say 'lover' or 'sex'”

“Do you really want me?” The fear in Moru's voice was evident. By this time Shinmasa was standing toe-to-toe with her.

“Yes. Most definitely. I fell in love with who you are, not what you are. Whether you're an underpaid, powerless scientist or a powerful spirit doesn't matter. You're the same woman I fell in love with on that mountain.”

“Please understand,” said Moru lower her head. “No matter how long I've been around, I know nothing of these matters.” With that said her gown dropped to the floor and the two embraced.